The Back Story

I created this resource as, despite my own experience with loss and grief, I still struggle to find the words. I'm never sure what to do for someone who has experienced loss, and/or who is working through their grief. It's simply so tough. Do I offer help? Should I give them a hug? Should I stand back and give space? Change the subject?  

One thing for certain is that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, or to support others who are grieving a loss. Every situation is different, each experience unique.

So how can we support and help with loss? I wish there was a one-stop, easy-fix solution. But there's not, and there never will be. There are no cookie-cutter, out-of-the-box solutions that will suit all. 

Although a google search on "loss" returns a huge amount of information around loss, grief and advice on different stages, processes and solutions of how to get through, the sheer mass of information can add to the overwhelm.

And what about when you're the person needing help, and the practical steps involved with finding that help? When in the midst of loss, and when caught up in the fog that the loss can bring, it can be hard to know what to do, how to do it, and where to find it.

I say this, because I know this.

My personal experience with grief and loss does not come from textbooks; I am the first to put my hand up and acknowledge I am not a trained professional in the grief & loss space. I do not have a psychology degree; I cannot offer advice and counselling around how to get through grief, and in now way do I claim to be an expert on any of the above.

Rather, my experience comes from life. I am a work-in-progress middle-ager, still grappling with the effects of a number of deep, personal losses, and despite the years that have passed, I still find myself sometimes walking in these shadows. 

I experienced the sudden death of my father when I was 13-years old. I lost my mother when I was 31 years-old, who passed after a prolonged illness. Throughout my 20s and 30s, I experienced heart-break; redundancy; uncertainty; miscarriage; injury and loss of many opportunities. And over the years, I have been a friend, sister, colleague, neighbour and support to many people who have experienced a myriad of loss & grief. Quite simply, in so many ways, on so many levels, I get it.

I equally acknowledge others who have suffered far worse than I, and in ways I have not known. I al. I also acknowledge the blessings in my life, which has also been filled with joy, happiness, promise and opportunity. And I know what I have done to get back to this happy place in my life, and in amongst the healing of time, what helped me to reach out, seek and find that support that took me through.

But what I've also learned throughout the years is that everyone's personal grief journey is extremely unique, that there is no one way to grieve. There is no right or wrong with how someone may chose to deal with their loss.

People should be able to grieve without judgement on how they are processing their loss, and be able help to access a range of support to them on their journey.

Which has led me to create this resource - a cobbling together of research, personal experience and personal as well as community recommendations in a bid to create a directory of information to help those experiencing loss, and how to get the most appropriate help to support them through. 

What I also am is this: a researcher, writer and community campaigner with lived experience of loss, complete with a desire to help others who have experienced, or are in the midst of loss.

My experience as a qualified lawyer and journalist serves me well  as a researcher, interpreter, assessor and presenter of relevant information. So when people present a problem and have a query of how to fix it, my years of experience have given me the skills to research, discover, and present the relevant information.

My hope is that this website can be a starting point in the search for that support; as well as a resource of practical information to guide those who wish to offer help, but don't know where to start.

Remembering: you can't put loss in a box, label it as such, and call it complete. It's unique to us all. It's the wrenching of a sudden, shocking loss;  the the culmination of small happenings that suddenly catch you up, triggered by one final event that puts it all  into place. It's a collection of minor events, and wonderings of what might have been.

But it's what you do afterwards, once the loss is realised, that really counts. It's finding the tools that can help you get back up. The motivation to start again. The support to help you take those first steps into your 'new normal'; and sometimes, to recognise the loss as an opportunity for a new, perhaps better way. 

Whatever your loss journey looks like, know that there is someone always available who cares and can help navigate your loss. Just reach out.